Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Selfishly in the Shadows

I spent my entire childhood in the shadows of a sibling. And not an older sibling as it is normally. I spent my childhood in the shadows of my younger brother. No matter what I did, it was always overshadowed by his misdeeds. I got good grades; all anyone noticed was his bad grades. I got into the National Honor Society; his suspensions were more important.

Maybe I'm selfish. It's obvious that my brother was having some sort of problems to be getting suspended frequently and getting bad grades. But, at the same time I wanted someone to tell me great job for all the good I had done. I tried hard to be perfect. But, that's another story all together. But, looking back maybe my perfectionism was born from my desire to hear "Great job" and when I never heard it, I felt like I wasn't good enough.

I'm still that way when it comes to him. We are now 36 and 31. I graduated college with a Bachelors in Psychology. But, guess what overshadowed that? Him getting himself fired. Yep. I'm still the one trying to be perfect. I'm still the one trying to succeed. He's still the one who doesn't care about his life's direction. Yet, I can't get a congratulations. Instead, I get phone calls with "How's your brother?", "Heard from your brother?", etc.

Although, luckily I am at the age now where I am trying to accomplish goals for ME. I guess my success doesn't mean much to others. But, guess what? It means something, everything, to me. I graduated, with honors, from high school. I graduated college with a Bachelors degree. And I currently hold a 4.0 GPA in my Masters program. I'm proud of me. And in the end, that's all that matters.


Shell said...

You should be proud! It's awful to feel overshadowed in that way, though.

Melissa Bielaczyc said...

That is so hard when you feel ignored! Have you said anything?
But you are right, how you feel about your accomplishments are what count the most! HOW AMAZING YOU ARE! That is a great accomplishment!

Adrienne said...

You should be SO proud of yourself! Good for you!! And I think it's a legitimate emotion to be fired up about it. That's hard to deal with!

Patricia MrsMarine said...

Good job, way to go, congratulations!
I can COMPLETLY relate to your post. My older sister was the "problem child" while I followed the rules and didnt get noticed... Thankfully it no longer bothers me. I live far from my family, I don't have to see them very often and I prefer it that way.