Saturday, June 14, 2014

The "Perfect" Family

That was what my family looked like at one point. Not the family I have now, but the family I had when I was little. We looked like the perfect little family. Dad, Mom, daughter, and son. On the outside we looked like the perfect family. But, on the inside we were far from it. 

I'm not saying I was abused. I wasn't. I'm not saying I was neglected. I wasn't. But, the relationships between father/daughter and mother/daughter I saw my friends having, I didn't have. I think at some point every little girl wants to be "Daddy's Little Girl". I know I did. But, I never was. Not from the years I remember. I like to pretend that maybe I was Daddy's little girl in the years that I can't remember. 

I remember my friends were able to talk to their mothers about their problems. I remember my friends talking about going places with their mothers for fun. I didn't have any of that. I felt like my mom would belittle me and my problems. We never went anywhere for fun except a handful of times in my life.

I wish I had those close relationships with my parents. Sadly, I still don't. Everyone thought my brother was the black sheep of the family. But, in all honesty I feel like the black sheep. I feel like I don't belong, like I don't measure up. Measure up to what, I don't know. 

I haven't talked to my dad in years. I have talked to my mom a lot in the last couple of years but it was mainly about my brother; never me. I don't let it bother me though. I have my own little family. I have my own kids to nurture and care for. I realize I may not be a perfect parent, but I try not to make the same mistakes my parents did. I don't want a single of my kids to look back years from now and wish they had a better relationship with me. I want them to have a great relationship with me now and in the future. 

This is #21 on my list, "30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me"

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