Tuesday, July 17, 2012

It's A Slap in the Face

Back in early December of 2001, I suffered my second miscarriage. I had just gotten into the whole on-line thing. Four years earlier when I had suffered my first miscarriage, I suffered alone. I knew no one who had a miscarriage before. I had no support, no one to get advice from, nothing. So, when I had my second miscarriage, I began looking for websites to get support. I came across Pain-Heartache-Hope ran by a wonderful woman, Robyn. Her Pregnancy and Infant Loss group was the very first yahoo group I ever joined. Over the course of time, I was a member of each of her groups - Loss, Trying to Conceive after Loss, Pregnancy after Loss, Children after Loss and even a Twins-Triplets-and-More group. I bared my heart and soul with these ladies. We cried together, we mourned together, we laughed together, we rejoiced together. We were a family of moms who lost, mourned and helped one another. Shortly after I joined Robyn's group, I joined her efforts to have October 15th recognized as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day by becoming the Virginia State Leader. I worked hard for her cause as a way to remember my precious angels. During the course of this effort, I went on to lose another baby and successfully carry its twin to term. I also had a set of twins. I spent free time writing letters and contacting my House and Senate representatives. I cried during the 2006 House Resolution. Seeing the hard work we all worked for come this far was a rewarding and satisfying moment.

I lost my first baby in March 1997. It has been 15 years and the pain is still real. I still wonder "What if..." for not only that loss but my others as well. There isn't a day that goes by that they don't cross my mind. When I hear of other's pain whether it be a miscarriage, still birth or infant death, I feel the pain for them too. I want to make their hurt go away. I want to give them back their precious angel so they don't have to live with the pain I do. I don't always talk openly about my angels. There are days I want to be alone in my grief. There are days I'll be more than happy to share anything you want to know and anything you want to hear about. But, do not EVER make up a pregnancy or a stillbirth to gain sympathy from me. It will not work. That is just a slap in the face of any mother who has lost a pregnancy or baby.

Hundreds of people put in a lot of hard work and energy in making a day for our precious angels. Don't tarnish it by trying to gain sympathy for an angel that never existed. Don't mock the pain and agony that many women endure on a daily basis. I wouldn't wish pregnancy or infant loss on my worst enemy. So, don't pretend that you are if you aren't.


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