Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Letters to Crazy People

Dear Fotki,
   I can assure you that while looking at my belly pics from the twins, I will not be wanting it on a mug or T-shirt. Not the best time to show me what it will look like on the side of the screen. How many women walk around with their formerly pregnant bellies on their t-shirt? Yeah, that's what I thought. It's a cool feature you got going on there when I'm looking at say, my kids' adorable little faces. But, preggo bellies? Eh, not so much.

Sincerely,
The Woman Who Saved her Belly Pics on your site

**
Dear Friend on Facebook,
    Please listen to me very closely when I say this. You are making a fool of yourself with your statuses. Please believe me when I say that you are sounding mighty childish. If you want to be treated as an adult, then please by all means act like one. And really think about what you say before you type it out. What sounded good in say middle or high school doesn't sound proper when you're in the real world.

Sincerely,
Your Friend Who Cares

PS - No ring keeps a person from cheating. So, just cause he put a ring on it, don't mean he's gonna be faithful to it. Just remember you got him while he had a ring on another girl's finger. Get mad. But, the truth hurts.
**
Dear Crazy Chick on the West Coast,
    Your kids are fine. Stop trying to get sympathy by claiming there is something wrong with them. Why wish a diagnosis on your child that would hinder them for the rest of their life? Oh, and your updates sound like they are taken straight from a medical website. Please, dear God, stop!

Sincerely,
The Beotch that Busted your Crazy A$$ a few years ago
**
Dear Other Crazy Chick on the West Coast,
   I am very, very confused as to what your problem is. Really. I am. So please just stop bragging about your "vacations" and your meals while you feed your kids next to nothing. And since you're "fixed" I'm guessing you're not pregnant. Stop worrying us with that jibberish. And get your man out the bedroom. Is he like permanantly stuck in there or something? Oh and please stop changing your email address. My block filter is getting confused.

Sincerely,
The Girl who is Sick of your Mess
**
Dear Yelp,
   Please do not send me any more emails that have the subject "Get Veg'ucated With Yelp". I have no idea what that means. I have never heard of the word Veg'ucated. Are you going to educate me on being a vegan? Good luck. Not gonna happen. Please stick with emails titled "Hot spots in DC", etc. I understand that. Oh, better yet. Just stop sending me the emails becuase I deleted the Yelp App like a week after I downloaded it!

Going to search for the "Remove Me" link in your email,
The Android User who didn't like your App
(*NOTE - Found the link*)